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    Post by Tolvo Wed May 09, 2012 2:21 pm

    EXHIBIT

    Yeah...This one is...Yeah...I kind of want to turn this one into a book.

    Suicide: Worthless Paradise

    Spoiler:
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    Post by ViralEnsign_ Wed May 09, 2012 4:31 pm

    Tolvo wrote:EXHIBIT

    Yeah...This one is...Yeah...I kind of want to turn this one into a book.


    Suicide: Worthless Paradise

    Spoiler:



    I like the sound of this.... but in more simple terms what is the plot. I could see readers being turned away by you use of higher level writing techniques.
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    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? Wed May 09, 2012 9:43 pm

    Why have I only discovered this thread now?

    This is some great stuff!
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    Post by skarekrow13 Wed May 09, 2012 10:14 pm

    It was hidden for a long time it seems. Feel free to add stuff if you want. Anything is welcome.

    Tolvo, if you can expand that last entry that'd be awesome. Good imagery as always
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    Post by Tolvo Wed May 09, 2012 11:01 pm

    Basically Viral, in this story humanity was having a sort of golden age in development when a massive black being without a true form and so many eyes and limbs it is considered omniscient and omnipresent, as it extends beyond measurable means. It literally killed itself on the planet flooding the world with its blood and remaking the earth and all life into this hellish existence, which the story takes place during. One thing about my stories is they aren't really reader friendly. Which isn't a good thing if I wanted to become a successful writer, but more so creation is my main task and I don't care if no one or many read it.

    That's the plan Skare, kind of think of this as the synopsis, the entire worthless paradise. But the full story will take place showing the before, the suicide itself, then the aftermath. Thanks, was it a bit disgusting to you? One of my biggest points was to try and disgust the reader with this one. The unnatural birth, the cesspools with titans mating and squealing in it, and the flesh rending as a means of survival. Everything was intended to be visceral and unpleasant.
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    Post by skarekrow13 Wed May 09, 2012 11:13 pm

    I think you got it. Will eagerly await more. It seems vaguely reminiscent of Lovecraft except you actually describe what you're taking about. I'm all for vague but in his case I think he just didn't have the words to express what he wanted to show the reader in most cases. I think he genuinely could see the horrors but to me he fell short in communicating them. your message is clearer
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    Post by Tolvo Wed May 09, 2012 11:21 pm

    Yeah, that was sort of always an issue of mine with him is that he leaves too much to your imagination. The human mind is a powerful tool and it can cause you to create some of the most fearful creatures in your mind, but it comes to a point that you, the reader, are doing far more work in your imagination and that what you see in the story isn't even the work of his anymore. I like to leave people imagining, as I don't describe literally every nook and cranny, but still I want them to get a proper picture of what I'm seeing in my head.

    Actually it's a bit funny but I have a sort of highly irregular means of describing characters when I introduce them. The typical thing is to describe every aspect of them right?

    "He is a tall dark haired man with a thick frame and stern jaw contrasting his sorrowful and whimpering brows over those light blue eyes of his."

    I actually space my descriptions out through a story, I might not tell you a character has a certain feature until two chapters in. I only describe what is important at the time, if they need a feature that makes them stand out I describe that first, but that's it. How tarnished their hands and teeth are, the curves of their face and torso, I'll leave the details to come as time goes on. It's pretty irregular and really hard to pace at times, but I really love to experiment with it as I do everything.
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    Post by skarekrow13 Wed May 09, 2012 11:55 pm

    Sometimes that's a powerful tool. You start to picture the character then have to rethink out once you get more info. I remember reading the Dark Tower series and I had a picture of Roland in my head. Then I found out who Stephen King modeled him after and it blew my mind. It was such a weird experience I actually watched a western to see for myself
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    Post by Tolvo Thu May 10, 2012 12:03 am

    I have heard a lot of good things about Dark Towers, I should pick it up sometime.

    Typically I don't describe the very main character, they have mannerisms but often they don't have a face, name, or even gender.
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    Post by skarekrow13 Thu May 10, 2012 12:32 am

    Dark Tower depends on your Stephen King fandom. As a standalone work it holds up well and is one of his best but the real beauty is that the books (all seven) are actually a reflection of his own life in a messed up way and serve as a tie to everything story he's done for the most part as well as how he fits in with popular culture, literature in general and more. The story is great but it's really a web connecting to much much more.
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    Post by skarekrow13 Thu May 10, 2012 12:34 am

    EXHIBIT

    As promised, here is the drawing I made with crayon while my daughter and I were "coloring." Typically I draw monkeys, or lions or an octopus for her but decided to default to my normal style of drawing. She wasn't as much a fan of this one as she is the monkeys. Of interest is that I only used one crayon, which is comprised of four colors. Changing the crayon's orientation changes the color.



    Spoiler:
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    Post by billy_bayonet Mon May 14, 2012 11:39 am

    hey scarecrow i have some spare studio time coming up sposed to be recording some stuff bt i cba the client can wait another month lol, was thinking bout recording an epic Fc fight song type thing, figh clubs lament or somethign along those lines would you be interested in this ?
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    Post by skarekrow13 Mon May 14, 2012 2:22 pm

    You bet I would be. If you listened to my stuff I enjoy the guitar but the talent level is "meh." I'm not shameless enough to have sent you an invite to this thread but your avatar and occasional story about music was enough where I was hoping you'd drop by here. Anything you want to add really, or discuss about art. It's welcome here as long as it fits the forum rules.
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    Post by billy_bayonet Mon May 14, 2012 3:51 pm

    yeah ill be going back into the studio wednesday ill do like 2 hours of real work then i play around with some stuff for the forum
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    Post by skarekrow13 Mon May 14, 2012 3:54 pm

    Cool! Looking forward to it.
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    Post by billy_bayonet Mon May 14, 2012 4:11 pm

    not sure what direction to go in, full orchestral piece or like balls out FC montage rock song lol
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    Post by skarekrow13 Mon May 14, 2012 4:17 pm

    Obviously the answer is both.
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    Post by Tolvo Tue May 15, 2012 9:05 am

    EXHIBIT

    Well I mentioned to some of you that I was working on a book and this, is the very first part of it. It's very...Odd and strange is the best way I can describe it.

    Spoiler:
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    Post by DoughGuy Tue May 15, 2012 9:14 am

    Reading that Tolvo I get the same feeling as when I read one of Cook's essays (did you hear he just wrote his last?). One of half coherence and the feeling their is a much greater meaning that is completely flying over my head. Why couldnt english have onvolved stuff like that. Much more interesting.

    Exhibit
    We are the blades of darkness, the light on the grave,
    Striking from the shadows, parting flesh with blade.
    We are the wolves that run free, yet serpent bound,
    Two sides of the same man, united for now.

    Chant of the cursed followers of Artorias


    Last edited by DoughGuy on Tue May 15, 2012 9:38 am; edited 1 time in total
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    Post by Tolvo Tue May 15, 2012 9:30 am

    The funny part is that is the section that is probably the easiest to understand, as the story evolves it will become more inconsistent, and over all use descriptions that are designed to be interpreted far more than anything before it. "A blinding white creature upright and born of an immaculate oil." That's the only description of a very important figure in the book, and tells you well over a hundred things about the creature. big grin

    Now if I can just keep myself out of depression long enough to finish this thing haha.

    Der, it no rhyme dough, why your thing no Rhyme? Should Rhyme!

    Looks very nice Dough, I think the second line is a bit redundant. "Blades of Darkness..." "...Striking from the dark, parting flesh with blade." In the first line you basically already stated this, then repeated yourself.
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    Post by DoughGuy Tue May 15, 2012 9:34 am

    the first line is meant to represent the abyss i.e. darkwraiths, while the second line is more literal.
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    Post by Tolvo Tue May 15, 2012 9:36 am

    You might want to change "Dark" to shadows to represent that. It's just that within two lines you use the same words twice essentially.

    "I'm a kicker of ***, and taker of names."
    "Their names taken by me, as I kick their ***."

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    Post by DoughGuy Tue May 15, 2012 9:38 am

    Done, thanks for the suggestion. Now to change it everywhere I posted it lol.
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    Post by Tolvo Tue May 15, 2012 9:42 am

    No problem, it's a common thing I see with people so I like to help them with it whenever I can. I sometimes do it myself, but in a bit more of a way to build upon certain words and use them in means that weren't previously shown in a sentence to convey and idea of growth upon its purpose and change in structure. But you'll probably lose readers by that point haha.
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    Post by DoughGuy Tue May 15, 2012 9:44 am

    Motivation for everyone
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHAQ88lcUvc&feature=fvwrel
    Or if, like me you have different tastes (although I like th eprevious songs)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNKL22rpcr4

    I'm not at that level of writing yet. i still have to figure out how people talk.

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