Worthlessness

It is a phenomenal movie. I have not watched it in quite some time. I may have to pop it in soon and enjoy. That was my first exposure to Monty Python and I was immediately hooked. Brilliant comedy.

The way i lived from the age of 12-22 was the epitome of worthlessness. I made very bad decisions, and cared little about my own life or other peoples. I guess you could say i had an epiphany about a year and a half ago. Although i still am not someone i can be proud of, i see the importance of self worth. Self respect is one of the most important things in life, without it you have nothing. No matter how worthless you might feel, it is not impossible to change and improve yourself. Doesn't matter your age, or what you have done, anyone can learn to respect themselves and acknowledge their accomplishments. No matter how small, if you accomplish something you can be proud of, you are not worthless. Its finding the courage to except failures and strive to succeed that is difficult. Accomplishing that alone, is something to be proud of.

Factor of worthlessness came to me at 9 and left at 13 before elementary school was finally over.

Lots of times standing alone listening to my music while I waited for recess to end. Not always though.

I think a major aspect of it is if you look to other people to judge your self worth, or not. I personally feel no matter how many people are telling you "you should be proud!", unless you yourself are proud it means nothing. Do you look to your mother or father for praise? Your peers? That's why i say respecting yourself is one of the most important things in life, it's part of becoming an individual and discovering your identity. This may come easy to some, but for people like myself it did not. Due to the way your mind can play tricks on you with things like denile, people can go long into adulthood without truly respecting themselves. They are just looking for respect from others. This is just my opinion of course. Also respect can just as easily be replaced by the word love, they are both just words trying to describe feelings. Something we don't fully understand.

I honestly can't even understand why i made the choices i did when i was younger. I had my reasons, but they were irrational and had no grounding. Some peoples minds are just irrational, so they do things like me and just add further complication to the already difficult task of understanding ones feelings. Its probably the most difficult thing we have to do, and some people die without ever accomplishing it.