by GrinTwist Mon Nov 05, 2012 1:28 amTo be honest what really hurt were the deaths of my friends. I never cared for the ones that never wanted to hang out with me. But when one of my closer friends died of a car crash and one of my other friends committing suicide a year and a half later I'm almost completely alone.
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You Ever Get To That Dark Place?
GrinTwist- Chosen Undead
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Mr. Tart- Compulsory Poster
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I feel bad for you. But honestly, i sometimes wish i had friends that died. Most people just avoid me, so i've pretty much always been backstabbed. I know it doesn't sound good, but the thought itself is just so much better.
Even then, i do feel bad for you, although i doubt that is of any help.
Edit: I know it sounds bad, and obviously it is. But allow me to explain myself. I've never been wanted by anyone, so the thought of someone actually dying with the desire of being my friend, would probably be the best feeling i'd ever have experienced.
Even then, i do feel bad for you, although i doubt that is of any help.
Edit: I know it sounds bad, and obviously it is. But allow me to explain myself. I've never been wanted by anyone, so the thought of someone actually dying with the desire of being my friend, would probably be the best feeling i'd ever have experienced.
Tolvo- Town Crier
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I can feel you there Tart.
GrinTwist- Chosen Undead
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Thanks. I'm really just posting because I really don't have anyone to turn to anywhere else. I didn't actually expect advice I just thought I would feel better if I just let it out.
I've learned how to let go also my family taught me that the hard way. So when my friend died in that car accident it took a while but I was able to get rid of the pain that I had felt because of that loss.
It's the suicide that got to me though. It still sometimes does, because I don't know if it was my fault or not. I was close with them and knew that they had been diagnosed with depression. It just hurts me that they might have thought that I hadn't cared enough and it makes me feel like I should have done something for them.
I've learned how to let go also my family taught me that the hard way. So when my friend died in that car accident it took a while but I was able to get rid of the pain that I had felt because of that loss.
It's the suicide that got to me though. It still sometimes does, because I don't know if it was my fault or not. I was close with them and knew that they had been diagnosed with depression. It just hurts me that they might have thought that I hadn't cared enough and it makes me feel like I should have done something for them.
WhatDoesThePendantDo?- Duke's Archivist
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Funny you mention "letting it out."
There's a thread for that.
https://soulswiki.forumotion.com/t4319-the-let-it-out-thread
But don't be ridiculous there's no way that suicide could have been your fault. I can't even fathom that.
There's a thread for that.
https://soulswiki.forumotion.com/t4319-the-let-it-out-thread
But don't be ridiculous there's no way that suicide could have been your fault. I can't even fathom that.
Mr. Tart- Compulsory Poster
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You shouldn't think like that though. I know i'm not one to speak, but i was suicidal for quite some time because of the way people treated me. The thoughts of killing myself ran through my head all the time. And i knew there was people that cared for me, but all the hatred i recieved, it was just too much, so i just couldn't concentrate on the happy thoughts. It will of course always be a mistery, but you were his friend, as a friend, of course you will make mistakes, and you will argue. But remember, you were his FRIEND, and that says something.
On another note, i understand the case of having a hard time getting rid of the pain, to move forward. Please, do not take offense to the example i'll be using, but a couple of years ago now, my cat died from an epileptic attack. She was 20 years old, and she had been with my since the day i was born. I considered the cat my best friend throughout my whole life, still haven't gotten over her.
Like i said though, i apologize if you took offense to me comparing your friend with my cat, my point is though, you're not alone, and even though it may not be the best of help, just keep in mind, he died being your friend, and you his.
On another note, i understand the case of having a hard time getting rid of the pain, to move forward. Please, do not take offense to the example i'll be using, but a couple of years ago now, my cat died from an epileptic attack. She was 20 years old, and she had been with my since the day i was born. I considered the cat my best friend throughout my whole life, still haven't gotten over her.
Like i said though, i apologize if you took offense to me comparing your friend with my cat, my point is though, you're not alone, and even though it may not be the best of help, just keep in mind, he died being your friend, and you his.
Tolvo- Town Crier
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By the way, I was wondering if anyone read the quote I posted. I thought it was a pretty interesting look at depression.
WhatDoesThePendantDo?- Duke's Archivist
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No, I didn't catch it. :|
EDIT: Found it. And yeah, it really hits the nail on the head. The suggestion that if you haven't fought in war you haven't felt real depression is shockingly ignorant.
EDIT: Found it. And yeah, it really hits the nail on the head. The suggestion that if you haven't fought in war you haven't felt real depression is shockingly ignorant.
Last edited by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:05 am; edited 1 time in total
Tolvo- Town Crier
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Tolvo wrote:“We exist in a culture that, despite all the scientific knowledge we have on the subject, tries to suppress discussions of depression. A lot of people simply do not want to talk about it, even though more than 38,000 people committed suicide in the United States in 2010. As you are reading this right now, someone, somewhere in the US is probably in the process of killing him- or herself.
“Unfortunately, many people who suffer from depression feel as if they cannot speak about it. In my past, there have been instances in which my superiors explicitly told me not to talk about my mental illness at work or even tweet about it. But it goes beyond the workplace, too. A Vietnam veteran once brushed off my depression, telling me that since I’ve not had to fight in a war, I have never had anything remotely resembling a truly bad day.
“I have, at times, felt like I had no chance to speak out about what was going on in my head, and so it came as little surprise that when I finally admitted to my mother this year that I had been suicidal for a large chunk of my life, she was completely caught off guard. The problem was not that she didn’t pay attention. The problem was that I learned to hide my condition from most people very well.
“But hiding doesn’t solve anything; rather, it creates more issues. As anyone who has dealt with depression can attest, being alone in your own head when a bad spell hits is the worst feeling in the world. Sufferers have to know they can share their feelings with others, but we do a bad job of letting them do that.”
-Phils Owens on the suicide of game journalist Matt Hughes.
I suggest you find people to be open about yourself with, even if they are just people online. I deal with extreme depression on a daily basis and it honestly helps to have anyone to talk with. Don't ever feel alone man and keep working towards whatever your goals are despite what others say.
GrinTwist- Chosen Undead
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@Tart It's understandable you obviously had emotional ties to that cat maybe not as strong of emotional ties or maybe they were equivalent who knows? I'm glad you are at least giving advice unlike others that would just walk away.
I'm also not easy to offend so don't worry about the example.
@Pendant I think it will just take longer for me to let go of the idea that of their death. I've been able to let go of a lot in my life so maybe in time I will be able to let go of the idea that I was responsible for their death.
@Tolvo Yeah that quote sums up everything that I could say on the issue of depression and more. Thanks for posting it.
I'm also not easy to offend so don't worry about the example.
@Pendant I think it will just take longer for me to let go of the idea that of their death. I've been able to let go of a lot in my life so maybe in time I will be able to let go of the idea that I was responsible for their death.
@Tolvo Yeah that quote sums up everything that I could say on the issue of depression and more. Thanks for posting it.
Mr. Tart- Compulsory Poster
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Glad you didn't. However, most people consider friendship between man and animal less worthy than one between human and human. Trust me, google something about the subject and you'll find people speaking about it all the time.
''It's just an animal!''
Back on subject, you may never lose the thoughts of feeling guilty. That's part of it sadly, but the importance is that you know you were a friend of his, and you need to cherish the memories you had. Try to look at things through his eyes. I can't say what he thinks, but i doubt he would be happy with you feeling and thinking the way you do. Because at the end of the day, you were friends, and that is all that matters.
Oh, and technically he's not dead. He lives through your memories.
''It's just an animal!''
Back on subject, you may never lose the thoughts of feeling guilty. That's part of it sadly, but the importance is that you know you were a friend of his, and you need to cherish the memories you had. Try to look at things through his eyes. I can't say what he thinks, but i doubt he would be happy with you feeling and thinking the way you do. Because at the end of the day, you were friends, and that is all that matters.
Oh, and technically he's not dead. He lives through your memories.
skarekrow13- Chat Moderator
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Just read this thread and anyone who's followed my off topic ramblings knows of at least a few of my darker times. If you would humor me a quote from a song I've heard a lot of recently:
"You never know what's around the bend.
A big adventure or a brand new friend.
When you're curious.
Like Curious George!
SWING! "
OK that seems silly and maybe wholly inappropriate perhaps. But honestly, this is a perfect song capturing the approach that's gotten me through those dark times. There's a bend right up ahead. Maybe it's more #&$@. But maybe it's not. Only those curious enough to look will ever find out
"You never know what's around the bend.
A big adventure or a brand new friend.
When you're curious.
Like Curious George!
SWING! "
OK that seems silly and maybe wholly inappropriate perhaps. But honestly, this is a perfect song capturing the approach that's gotten me through those dark times. There's a bend right up ahead. Maybe it's more #&$@. But maybe it's not. Only those curious enough to look will ever find out
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
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Honestly I think is is sad that good people like yourselves should be made to or have to feel that way....so do what I do when Im kinds down....
wait for a sunny day, fling all the doors and windows open, crack open a six pack and play games and attempt to get a tan all day long.... ah weekends are made of stuff like that!
wait for a sunny day, fling all the doors and windows open, crack open a six pack and play games and attempt to get a tan all day long.... ah weekends are made of stuff like that!
mugenis4real- Insomniac
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Here I thought I was going through this alone and it seems so many of you have/are suffered/suffering similarly. Now I know why there's a "Let It Out Thread". 
Mr. Tart- Compulsory Poster
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Since that is the case i suggest we build up an army.
Fight the oppression!
Fight the oppression!
Tolvo- Town Crier
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I think we should fight the Depression instead.
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
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Fight the Depression SMASH THE SYSTEM! ANARCHY FOR EVER....
well I think I summed it up right there....
well I think I summed it up right there....
Mr. Tart- Compulsory Poster
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Even better, both.
Tolvo- Town Crier
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Well you guys fight the depression, I'll absorb it. So there is less for you guys to deal with.
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
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Awww come now Tolvo its more fun if you join us!
Tolvo- Town Crier
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With diagnosed Chronic Depression, it's a bit hard to fight it. I'm better off just learning to live with it.
mugenis4real- Insomniac
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Tolvo wrote:With diagnosed Chronic Depression, it's a bit hard to fight it. I'm better off just learning to live with it.
Your actually diagnosed? How did you first find out?
Digitalyzed- Insomniac
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In a slightly related note, just finished "The Psychopath Test" by the guy that wrote the Men Who Stare at Goats (Totally forgot his name sorry), and it's a really good window into the world of psychology, which even explains to those with little knowledge on it a lot of facts behind mentality, and even better, methods of spotting a psychopath.
Tolvo- Town Crier
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I'd rather not get into that, the sort of stuff just shouldn't be on the forum.
Digitalyzed- Insomniac
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Maybe not, but the book is pretty well written, and I was merely suggesting the read.
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