Sell Sell Sell!

This here is sort of a story thread, in a way. I want people to come up with ideas for toys, items, commercials, etc, regarding Dark Souls. I don't want to see what you think they should make. I mean, think about an interesting item they could sell and how they'll market it, I think we can come up with some hilarious products.

Alright, first of all mine comes in commercial form. There's a boy trying to cover himself with his blanket in his room at night, when his father walks by the door.

Father-"What's the matter son?"

Son-"I'm scared."

Father-"Why are you scared?"

The elder sits at the foot of the bed trying to console his son.

Son-"I'm human, I know the Drak Wraiths are coming, I can just feel them getting ready to kill me."

The dad laughs and shakes his head before leaving the room and coming back with something in his hand. He crouches down next to the sockets on the wall and plugs in a small humanoid figure doing a pose.



It lights up brightly filling the area with a golden hue that warms the young lad.

Son-"Thanks dad!"

Dad-"Remember son, as long as you have a Sunbro around, you're always safe!"

The boy giggles and sits up in his bed.

Son-"Dad, for the other slot can I have Iron Tarkus?"

The dad chuckles and smiles wide while holding another small figure, this time a white phantom Tarkus.

Dad-"Sorry son, but you know how those Darkmoon are, I need my Tarkus."

Both have a hearty chuckled as the screen fades to black showing a wide variety of phantom Night Lights to keep young children feeling safe. Iron Tarkus, Solaire, and even Lautrec.

Am I retarded, or what?

I'd buy a bottle of orange juice in an emerald Estus jar. I'd buy that everyday and splash it in my face.

That could be in the commercial. Two guys sitting on the couch drinking it and one of them runs out.

"Hey man, I'll be right back, got to get back to the bonfire and refill my Estus."

He then goes into the fridge and grabs a new bottle and starts drinking it. Might make a nice energy drink or something, or even just an orange juice. It would look classy as hell too, an Amerald Flask.

A part from the fact I'm sure this game is rated like 45+ in every country... I would buy a Solaire Night Light instantly

I also think this would be a nice commercial:
A thief sneaking into the street at night, jumps above the wall of a nice kept garden, goes near the house... and is immediately surrounded and punched by 3 ents. The camera then turns and reveals the house kitten in his brand new Alvina-wall-shaped cat toy - you know, like this one Cat Castle but with this shape and texture Alvina
I would buy it.

Oh man, imagine a Dog Bone shaped like a large sword! Your dog could be running around the house biting it by the hilt, swinging it about with its head as it plays with it, it might make a fun chew toy as well!

A rubber toy for huskies, shaped like the Sword of Artorias. I like it.

Oh man, A Nito brand cereal. I mean come on, the puns write themselves. Plus they could have regular pieces that are bones and what not, then marshmallows that are flavoured and are represented by one of the three masks! Red Mother, Green Child, Blue Father!

Fade in on a kitchen table, decorated with a bowl of apples, an emerald bottle with orange juice in it and a little boy who sets a stack of books down on the table.....

Boy: "Mommy, what's for breakfast"

Mother: "I'm making pancakes Billy!"

Billy: "But mommy......all the boys at school pick on because I have trouble carrying aaalllll these books. Don't we have something that can help?"

The mother walks into the room holding a box of cereal....

Mother: "Here sweetie, try these"

Billy: "What are they mommy?"

Mother: "They're T itanite chunks cereal, just what you need to reinforce your day!"

Billy: "Ooooh BOY! Look at ALL these colors!"

Mother: "That's right Billy, the white ones give you the good sense to know right from wrong, the red give you the fire to burn through your day and the blue.....well a little blue always makes things just a little more magic!"

Announcer: "That's right kids, start your day the reinforced way with T itanite Chunks cereal. And don't forget, when you're on the go there's T itanite Slab cereal bars."

The could come with decoder rings inside, Havel's, the DWGR, and much much more!

Tolvo wrote:Oh man, imagine a Dog Bone shaped like a large sword! Your dog could be running around the house biting it by the hilt, swinging it about with its head as it plays with it, it might make a fun chew toy as well!

But I have 5 cats and I just know my next one will be named Alvina.

Well, this is kinda easy but a Sen's Fortress table game. The players roll the dice and advance their pawns the right number of tiles - hoping to avoid the "swinging blades tiles". Meanwhile another player playes the "golem" and rolls a die to rotate the central gear and throws marbles down the slides to kill the pawns. :affraid:

(edit: I wrote Troll the dice...)

Or man, they could make a semi-clue styled game where you have to find out who is the Indicted Dark Wraith that has killed the Host, each person plays a member of a covenant and through deduction has to figure out who perpetrated the murder!

Maybe figuring out which covenant killed him instead, with what and where, just like cluedo
Like "the Host was killed by a Darkmoon in the Catacombs, with a Ligthing Zwei"

Or Man, Four Lords Monopoly, you have to pick a Lord to play as, and try to run the land while getting as many souls as you can!

I think we should start the business now 8)

["I buy Boar Avenue and Channeler Church and complete my Undead Parish trio"]

They could market toy pendants that don't do anything and little kids could beat their heads against walls in frustration trying to figure out what they're for. Instead of explaining it on the package they'll explain something else that's totally unrelated. Like directions for making the perfect lasagna.

i would get a space heater and make it look like a bonfire put hand over it and it would 'light" and heat up my house I would market it as a halloween decoration maybe.

PlasticandRage wrote:They could market toy pendants that don't do anything and little kids could beat their heads against walls in frustration trying to figure out what they're for. Instead of explaining it on the package they'll explain something else that's totally unrelated. Like directions for making the perfect lasagna.

+1 to this. But why just kids, let's spread the pendant misery to everyone!

spray paint that looks like an orange soap sign

Three words: Quelaag Monster Truck

+1

I'd sooooooooo buy a small figure of the Sword of Artorias, complete with a half transparent blade that glows in the dark, stuck into a plaform with a huge grave behind it and surrounded by tiny swords.

A lovely Pharis Hat, for all the kids!

Havent read any of the other posts, but the first little story was pretty fun, I think Meri might be taking notes

They could also compact all of the information of say, a wiki that is publicly available, into a small thing to download at a nominal fee, why it would be a great idea!

Tolvo wrote:They could also compact all of the information of say, a wiki that is publicly available, into a small thing to download at a nominal fee, why it would be a great idea!

hahahaha