The "let it out" thread.

How were you trapped in town? Do you mean you didn't have a ride?

Yeah something like that.

Well, at least tomorrow is a new day.

Hm... I need to vacuum my room and walk the mother focaccia dogs.

I hate dem dogs.

I need to get something off my chest so i hope i don't sound like a drama queen. So its summer and generally that pretty much means that good times are immenient. But despite the godd that has happened and the good that will be im not happy and haven't been. to be honest i feel like my emotions are being ok and sadness, depression, emptiness, loneliness and anger. I've had moments of feeling good but they are few and far apart. For example i'm going to Germany to visit my amazing half brother, his wife, and my niece for 6 weeks and while im there im going to go to a few other countries. And instead of being happy about it i don't feel... well anything. I went to Texas and saw an old friend and his family who are pratically mine as well and i felt ok at times and depression and sadness the rest. And today like the past few i feel empty, lonely, and depressed. Though an Rp thread ive gone along with helps a bit it also remind me how alone i am. I can't seem to get out of the rut here. And worst part is i feel like i try to hide it by when i play video games or watch anime or things like that. I seriously want to curl up in a ball in a corner. But i can't or don't because i think what good does that do? At least if im doing something i can take my mind off it but when i finish whatever it is im doing it comes back.

How are you sleeping? Do you have and phases where you are crazy happy? If there isn't any "strife" or "stressors" in your life, and you still feel like this, maybe you are depressed (as in clinically depressed).

If you end up going to a doctor for something like that just make sure you're extremely clear about absolutely everything you're experiencing. I've been under treatment for the wrong thing for years. Kept being told I was clinically depressed, or had anxiety disorders, or bipolar, or whatever else, and as it turned out it was a misdiagnosed autoimmune disease. Something very common that my doctors just missed because I let them do what they thought instead of telling them what I thought. Lesson learned is that in general you know your body better than anyone else. If you don't feel right go be seen and tell them what's happening. Now I'm under treatment for the right thing I feel a little better every day. Better than I've felt in a long time physically.

Depression is usually a diagnosis of exclusion, since they can't measure the dopamine (or other hormone) deficiencies in your brain (or dopamine receptor numbers). I would have assumed they would have done a more thorough workup. But, some autoimmune disorders can be really tough to diagnose, since they can look like anything. History is so important for these kinds of things.

Well the diagnosis wasn't depression for me. It was hypothyroid disease, or graves disease. They just treated me for all that other stuff first over the course of like 3ish years. In their defense it is a difficult thing to diagnose. Only shows up in your system when you're actively having symptoms, so I had a lot of false negatives. Over the years I've probably been tested 20 times, because it runs in my family. The first test was a mild positive, then all the rest were negative so they decided it was a false positive, but then after years it got so big that my neck started swelling. They didn't catch it until it was 3 1/2 times the normal size. Basically didn't catch it until it was impossible to miss.

Hyper rather. Not hypo. Hypo is when it's too small and inactive. Hyper is when it's too large and way too active.

That sounds like a hard disease to diagnose. Not a common disease to begin with. At least they found it and can treat it.

Yup. Definitely the important part. What's frustrating is looking back and wondering how much of the stupid crap I've done in my life could be related to me not thinking clearly because my body was producing too much of a hormone that effects my emotional state. But whatcha gonna do?

I guess, help others realize that feeling depressed can actually be a medical problem, something physically wrong with your body, and not just feeling "sad".

Sorry i wasn't on earlier but im actually happy that people posted and fast at that.

@reim I sleep A LOT if given the chance i think i've done 12+ hours before, crazy happy? not generally if im happy im generally happy for a reason and not crazy, as for the last it comes and goes but yes i've had it at times where there aren't any.

@Plastic I was going to one and then we moved, you have no idea how mad that made me because i felt i might have gotten somewhere if i'd had some more sessions but i was truthful. The only problem is , and i swear this is true, EVERYTIME we call them and we try to even start we get NO return calls. So we can't even make an appointment. That annoys me to no end because i actually want to go get help.

I'll keep this shrt since I am on phone, but if you feel pissed or angry or sad, feel free to tell me. I am all ears.

thank you. I'll keep that in mind.

twilightwarwolf wrote:@Plastic I was going to one and then we moved, you have no idea how mad that made me because i felt i might have gotten somewhere if i'd had some more sessions but i was truthful. The only problem is , and i swear this is true, EVERYTIME we call them and we try to even start we get NO return calls. So we can't even make an appointment. That annoys me to no end because i actually want to go get help.

No, I absolutely believe you. I actually had a similar thing happen. There was a time before I was under treatment that I was occasionally having bouts of sleep paralysis. It's a pretty terrifying affliction. You wake up out of a deep sleep, and not gently, it's like a sudden jerk awake, and you feel inexplicable extreme foreboding, like you know something horrible is happening but you don't know what. Then it feels like someone is standing over you, holding you down to your bed. For me it always felt like hands on the backs of my shoulders and a weight on my back, like someone was straddling my back and holding my shoulders down, then I always would try to call for help, but you can't get words out. It just comes out in whispers. Then after a couple minutes it just goes away. Despite this happening over and over it's always taken me a couple minutes to remember that it's only a physical condition, that I'm waking up during REM sleep and my brain is continuing to dream while I'm awake, and that I don't need to be afraid, so I end up running the whole gamut first and just freaking the hell out. Thankfully it hasn't happened since I started treatment, but anyway when it was first happening I thought I was loosing my mind. I was living in an apartment in a pretty old building, and evidently the guy who lived in the apartment next door to mine, before the people who were living there when I was, killed himself in their bathroom. It was pretty gross. I guess nobody found him for a couple weeks and he rotted into the carpet, and of course the slum lord that we rented from just had it shampooed instead of removed, so you literally could see a black stain in the carpet roughly the shape of a person. The point is I couldn't help thinking about that when it was happening too, and maybe I was being haunted by some angry douchebag. All of it combined made for a pretty damn terrifying experience. So after not really sleeping for a week I tried to see someone and nobody answered my phone calls, and then when they did, despite me telling them it was essential to me getting sleep at night, they made me wait 2 months before I could get an appointment. With all that craziness going on they made me wait 2 months.

DAMN is all i can say to that.

Yeah thyroid conditions are just brutal. Because the hormones the thyroid produces are responsible for so many different things, when it malfunctions you have problems with a lot of different things.

To add to what I was saying the other day. I've just discovered this guy has also been eating my food when I'm not around. Opened the fridge to find what I was making for dinner only to find it was gone. He just put all the empty containers back in so I wouldn't notice. Just to refresh, this guy wasn't even my friend. I didn't know him at all. He was my roommates friend. He left their stuff alone though. It was my stuff he ate. So that's pretty much it. I texted him and told him to find another place to stay. Said that I'm shocked that he would treat someone that was doing him a favor that didn't even know him with such little respect and that he can go do it somewhere else. He's trying to be a tough guy on the phone now too. Has no understanding that what he did wasn't a nice thing to do. Acting totally entitled to whatever he wanted here.


Yeah it's done. My roommate backed me up all the way. Totally agrees that it's absolutely ridiculous that he would think that was acceptable behavior. He left work early to come home and back me up in telling him he needed to leave.

Geez what a rude tart. At least the problem is over now.

Yup. It's almost worth him doing it because he's gone now.

OMG O_O Tart you may not have realised what you said but that exactly describes how i've been. I'm not even kidding almost word for word of how you describe your day is like how mine have been.

I feel rather similar Tart but for years now.One good thing about me is how stubborn I am so depression doesn't stop me if I want something.I've been depressed and angry for a long time,it sucks because I am a really nice guy at heart but I end up seeming gruff or indifferent.I also find conflict a lot because I am direct and rather blunt sometimes so that sucks too.