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    A very sad childhood story, told by my own personal experiences.

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    Post by User1 Mon Mar 18, 2013 5:15 pm

    I just dwelled upon something this very day. It made me cry quietly for 10 minutes straight. This is my fairly sad childhood story which, upon thinking about it for 30 minutes, is actually quite depressing to me.

    I am born into a family of parents aged around 23 each. I live in a house where other adults are always around, hyper with booze and cannabis in them, until around 3 years old. This is when my parents decided to be sensible people. But, this tale gets much worse..

    When I was 2 my grandma died. From blood bursting in her brain, causing a coma, and then death. I was so sad, I cried for days. My mum and dad tried to calm me down, yet, at this point, I knew all the details. I heard it being discussed in the kitchen. I told them I knew what happened. My mum started crying, said she was sorry for lying to me, and hugged me. All over, right? Well, you were wrong.

    A year later, one of my great grandma's died of heart failure. I was at her bed to witness her death. Once again, I cried for a very long time. My great grandma was an angel to me, always reading books with me, and playing games with me. She was so friendly too. I'm sure some think this is a sob story, but it was so hard to just deal with. At 3 years old, 2 relatives have died, and I was just about to start school.

    It didn't go down well. I cried all the time when the subject of relatives came up. I had to be sent home countless times by the teachers. This was just in my first year. Thankfully, for another 3 years, no more relatives had died on me yet.

    But, when I was 7, my other great grandma died. She was just as nice as my other grandma was, and she had a lovely house. It was massive, with long, stretching corridors me and my brothers would chase each other in. She always gave us money before we went, and upon speaking about this, I realised something. I made her unhappy. I always insisted I had to go home, since I was bored. It came across as me being an ingrateful litle s**t. It turns out, at the time, I was diagnosed with Asperger's. My grandma didn't know this. Upon her death, I felt so guilty, so bad about myself, I went into an early childhood depression. The effect this had on me was just getting worse. I was like this for nearly 2 months. But, for another 3 years, no more relatives had died, once again. But, there's always a sickening twist in my life.

    When I was 10, my nanna died of lung cancer. She used to smoke heavily, and all it did was drive her to her grave earlier. I never visited her as much as my other grandma's, but she was still nice. She always gave me a great easter egg every year, and chocolate on every holiday, She was such a nice person. And I felt terrible for never giving her anything back, or visiting her enough. This triggered another depression, which lasted for 1 month this time.

    But the bad things didn't end there. Between the ages of 12 and 17, my family was extremely poor. We had lost a load of money due to someone accidentally withdrawing from our bank account. My parents were at work nearly all day, and I had to start walking home, and home was 3 miles away from school. I felt so worn down from having to do jobs all the time for my parent's occupations, I just said, when I was 15, "Screw this! I'm dropping out of school!" My parents didn't agree with me, but I just got my GCSE results, and felt it was OK to leave early. I just did anyway.

    After all that, my family got back on track after winning a court case in 2001. We had money again. By this time, I was 18, but things got worse.

    When I was 19, my dad died, of a stroke. He used to drink alcohol, but he was a very good father. He, nearly literally, drunk himself to death during a very bad day. I attended the funeral, and cried for hours on end. My mother was in a bad way herself. Her health had degraded due to the drinking she did, and it was only a matter of time before she was dead too.

    One year later, actually. My mother died of a alcohol overdose, which was vodka. In her will, she left all of her money and belongings to me, since my brothers had long left the house. I had money, but I had depression once again.

    I took custody of her house, and that is where I live now. For the last 9 years, I've lived here. I've had a girlfriend since I was 14. The very same one. I told her all about this 6 years ago. She started crying. I felt as if I did something wrong, but I also felt much better for getting it off my chest.

    And so, that is my childhood story. With lots of parts from my later childhood left out, due to my depressive ways in those times, I found it wouldn't be very interesting to mention. The earlier parts of the story may have been sadder, but it was sad to write it.

    Some may think of this as a sob story, and to get over it, and get on with life. But I'm sure some of you have had similar experiences. And whenever I dwell on this, I feel upset.

    Now, please excuse me. I'm going to go and cry for a few more minutes. Seriously. I feel terrible after writing this.




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    Post by densetsushun Mon Mar 18, 2013 5:40 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story man. It sounds like you've had a pretty rough life. sad
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    Post by User1 Mon Mar 18, 2013 5:42 pm

    Oh, believe me, it hasn't been good. And it's ok. Sharing my story was a good way for people to know when I can get too serious, or not really get a joke. It's when I dwell on my past too much.

    Edit: Thanks for reading it. I thought it was a bit too long.
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    Post by mugenis4real Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:17 pm

    Shrug


    Last edited by mugenis4real on Mon Mar 18, 2013 7:07 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : ?)
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    Post by Soris Ice Goldwing Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:24 pm

    Who the f*** downreps a man telling his sad but real life?! NOT COOL!

    I can't say much Renegade but I hope that your future turns out brighter than your childhood. The only real advice I can say is that have you looked back at that and put it to rest? As the past tells much we have to at one point put the past times behind us only after we look hard at them and no longer feel their effect, or at the most we feel them weakly so we can look at the present and our future at the horizon.
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    Post by WandererReece Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:32 pm

    Soris Ice Goldwing wrote:Who the f*** downreps a man telling his sad but real life?! NOT COOL!

    Luckly off topic rep doesn't count.
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    Post by Soris Ice Goldwing Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:37 pm

    ^ So that makes it okay since it doesn't count?! That is pretty damn low since he took the chance to vent something as personal as that and he get's downrep as a joke?
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    Post by Rynn Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:40 pm

    He get's downreps because noone wishes to hear of these kinds of things.
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    Post by WandererReece Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:42 pm

    Soris Ice Goldwing wrote:^ So that makes it okay since it doesn't count?!?

    1) Did I type it was OK? No.

    2) Did I type that I agree with the downrep? No.

    3) Did I downrep him? No.

    I simply stated that offtopic rep doesn't count. That means RenegadeCop's rep won't suffer because some jerk downreped him.

    If this wasn't off topic, then it would be worse because his rep would also go down.
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    Post by Soris Ice Goldwing Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:55 pm

    I wasn't referring to you Wander, I got to remember to be more specific when I write. *sign* I guess it really doesn't matter since rep has no use here. Seeing that negative goes against a lot of my beliefs and I hate to see that effect when someone tells, or writes something personal like that. I lost a good friend in real life to something personal being turned against him by his peers....I rather help people then let that happen again.
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    Post by WandererReece Mon Mar 18, 2013 7:05 pm

    ^
    Charles R. Swindoll wrote:Since the mind holds the secrets of soaring, the enemy of our souls has made the human mind the bull's eye of his target. His most insidious and strategic moves are made upon the mind. By affecting the way we think, he is able to keep our lives on a mediocre level.

    They get in your head and enslave or kill you. There is one defense, and that's to not let them get in your head. If you decide you don't care about what they think about you, then they won't get inside your head, and their power won't work. If you decide to completely not care about them, then they'll lose even more power.

    Some people think this could be the begining of psychological warfare, but I think they're idiots. Although...
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    Post by skarekrow13 Mon Mar 18, 2013 7:38 pm

    That f'n sucks. Don't think I have anything I can say but you have support to vent here.
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    Post by The Letter X Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:03 pm

    I never would have guessed you went through any of that, Renegade. You really need to have an unbreakable will to be able to at least come off as the person you do. (Which to me is someone who has plenty to give and not a problem in the world)

    I'm here for you, and don't let anyone tell you real men don't cry.
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    Post by Serious_Much Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:05 pm

    Rynn wrote:He get's downreps because noone wishes to hear of these kinds of things.

    I would have thought there'd be more support for people who've gone through tough situations here.

    He needed to get it out, and chose to anonymously here. I see no fault in that, everyone's got a limit.

    That is a sad story cop, thank you for sharing it with us. I'm glad things have slowly started to fall into place with your life after such a tough start. You can only go from strength to strength now


    Last edited by Serious_Much on Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Post by User1 Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:07 pm

    Well, I can come off like that when I am either keeping my mind off anything sad, or other people are doing things around me, so I focus on their doings more than my own thoughts. I don't have many problems anymore, but when I have nothing to do, my mind will nearly always slip back to my troubled past. You could say it's part me, part I have too much to do. But anyway, thanks for the support.
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    Post by GrinTwist Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:19 pm

    I don't mean to sound rude but don't we have a "let it out" thread for this?

    Oh well.

    Renegade I can't say I'm a person that can give good advice for the situation your in but all I can say is that if you needed to vent this, I'm glad you did. I just hope your future gets better from here on out, you deserve it.
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    Post by User1 Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:21 pm

    I honestly didn't expect such a positive response to this. I was expecting things more along the lines of 'Stop whining' or something worse. But I should always expect better from this forum. Also, the 'Let it Out' thread is dead, I think. May need a touch of necromancy.
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    Post by GrinTwist Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:27 pm

    That would be the benefit of have a community like this to turn to. I thought the "let it out" thread was one of those threads that could die multiple times and each time it did we could just resurrect it from the foul pits of page 2.

    Now if you excuse me I'm off to write how my day went in that same exact thread!
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    Post by EeAyEss Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:52 pm

    Man. I can't offer anything but my ears, Cop. They're all I got for these situations.
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    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? Tue Mar 19, 2013 12:00 am

    Losing so many people so close to you at such a young age, I can't even imagine. A very sad childhood story, told by my own personal experiences. 1330857165

    My heart goes out to you.
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    Post by densetsushun Tue Mar 19, 2013 5:29 am

    Renegade, have you considered seeking professional help? I know it's a difficult step, but this is clearly haunting you that you can't have a moment of quiet without it all flooding back. I suggest finding someone to talk to and sort through all these emotions.

    And we're here for you in this little corner of the forum.
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    Post by Mr. Tart Tue Mar 19, 2013 5:54 am

    Rynn wrote:He get's downreps because noone wishes to hear of these kinds of things.

    If people don't wish to hear such things they don't really have to read it. It doesn't really justify downrepping something like this, because everyone needs to vent sometimes.

    I think this post could've been in the "let it out" thread, but it doesn't really matter that much at the moment.

    I can't that i can relate. Atleast not for most part, as i haven't lost a lot of people that have been close to me through death. My grandmother died when i was 7 though, just as yours. She had cancer. I do us visiting her the day before she died. I refused to go into her room because it smelled really bad. I regret it deeply, among many other things. I don't which to steal all the attention though. Just know that if you need to talk, i'm her.

    Also, my cat, unlike yours, is not a backstab fisher!
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    Post by Peaceful Wollyhop Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:21 am

    So you could talk when you were 2?
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    Post by Carphil Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:35 am

    Cop, I pray for you and your family. I've lost a few family members but not so much as you did, I can't imagine how you feel, but what I know, is that you are in a process of defeating your most deep fears right now. You're doing great, facing your worst demons. I'm sure you'll find enough strenght to accept your past and even become a better person than the great man you are.


    Sometimes I cry for silly stuff that happens in my life, then I remember that people out there suffered so much more thn I did, and it really helps me move on.

    I don't know in what you believe Cop, but I know you passed through a lot of stuff, and I know you're very strong to be here telling all this now. I'm sure you'll have a great life with your girlfriend.

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    Post by User1 Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:21 pm

    As I've said before, I never expected such a positive response to this. I did forget about the "let it out" thread at the time of making. I may actually consider professional help, as this keeps coming back in my head. Also, I couldn't talk very well at 2 years old, but from when I was born, noise was permaneantly around me. I quickly learned how to speak words most didn't know at my age, but kept slipping up over the pronunciations. I did understand words that had been said before, as most toddlers pick up words in the same manner. Previously, I heard my parents talking about when my grandma will die, and if there is any way to prolong her death.

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