It May Be That TIme

Unfortunately I can't leave the house due to my back surgery, and I was raised to not talk to people so it's just not in my nature. I already hate myself and feel guilty for sharing what I did since I'm just *****.

No reason to feel guilty for feeling a certain way.

It's just honest, which I find refreshing.

Perhaps there is no reason to feel that way but it does make me ashamed of myself. I was essentially raised to never show negative emotions since I was grounded and screamed at if I ever even said I felt sad or angry. It might be ridiculous to be like this but I'm essentially conditioned into hating myself whenever I admit I'm upset.

I'm not sure how one could be raised to not talk to people, but either way you've always seemed to do great on the forums in the past, which in my book is enough to be considered talking to people.

I think, in some ways i may be able to understand you, as i'm not very happy myself. But i try to look past that; do things i like to do. We're not talking about me though.

I can understand that it may be hard, but sometimes we have to fight our nature, sometimes it's for the better. I can only hope that you'll at the very least try, so please do. And if it doesn't feel right, then just stop, you shouldn't push yourself too hard.

Pendant is right, it's better to not bottle things up since it only makes you worse. Besides you got people here who are willing to support you.
Also hiding your emotions makes you heartless over time. Don't hate yourself for admitting it.

I don't want to PM you because I don't want you to think I'm harassing you. But believe me, I've been there. Stuck at home, feeling worthless, borderline suicidal thoughts myself (and I only say borderline because I don't want my message to come on too strong--but you can disregard that borderline). For nearly a year I did nothing but play video games (got too good at them!) and that does nothing for your sense of worth. Eventually it's all you've got, then it becomes part of the problem. When you think all you've got are video games, it's not a good feeling.

What got me through it was making a plan for my future, and doing something that would get me there, even if it took years, just start somewhere. I took a course at the YMCA to become a Personal Trainer, and I planned on doing that to pay my way through Business School. I'm in Business School now, and things are looking up. It'll take years to be on my feet entirely, but I'm working on it.

If the present doesn't look so bright, think about your future, and do something today that will get you there, even if it's something very small. Trust me, things will get better.

In the mean time, maybe try a more lighthearted game! That Forest, it gets to the best of us. Have you played Journey?

Hiding your emotions won't make you heartless, it surely does not. Hiding your emotions will make you into an empty shell though. It will slowly kill you from the inside, like a curse.

Hiding your emotions is not bad, but neither is it good. You have to know when it's right or not. One thing is for sure though; it won't matter if you show them at the right time or not, you still shouldn't regret it.

If your parents raised you to feel ashamed of being sad or angry, then perhaps it's because they're hiding inner pain themselves?

Parents usually raise their children with good intention, and we should learn from them. But, it does not mean that we should become their puppets. Whatever way they raised you, shouldn't form you, it should only help you find yourself.

What BLA1NE said. Try something relaxing like Journey.

Each and every individual is unique in that they require different things to please them. Different things to make them happy. Have you found yours?

I love music. Both listening to it and making it.

Music is like a second friend to me; it understands me, it's always there for me, and it makes it possible for me to express myself.

You said you like to write, but it usually ends up dark. Is there any way to avoid that? If not, have you tried painting?

I do not wish to push you too much though, so i'll leave it at this for now.

But know, that there are people that care for you, even though some of them hardly even know you.

And once more, if you need someone to talk to, anyone, just send me a PM.

Take care Mr. Tolvo.

What Bla1ne said is how I started to get on my feet. I'll explain someday what happened but at some points it was so bad that once I almost did take a knife to my neck. But I didn't. I learned that life is one big challenge and wants to punish you if you let it. So for years I decided to wait to what happened. During that time I studied myself, the world and went as far as I could. Then last year I learned that I needed a goal to strive for to stop the loathing. And I did.

Find a future you want, created the person who will be you, not the person you are now. The challenge is there and you can do something. You just need to find what.

Though for starters try calming music like jazz, perhaps just the music with no vocals. Go off the grind and try some games that are fun and relaxing, watch funny videos. What I do is find small things to be happy.

Tolvo wrote:I think it may be that time for me to finally leave. At the least I'll be taking a break, at the most I'm gone for good. The stress I get from the harassment in game from random people and forum members is just getting to be too great. It's causing me serious health issues and just killing my will to even play online at all anymore or even sign into PSN. I'm unsure if I'll bounce back and just never again play online, but for the time being I'm done with the forum.

Loved reading your posts and sharing good music with you.
I'll leave with this song.

Trust me when I say I'm going to miss you. Also, it's about time man. IMO, a break will do you good. Things have been festering too long. You're welcome back anytime. Take time off, recharge, feel better.

reim0027 wrote:Trust me when I say I'm going to miss you. Also, it's about time man. IMO, a break will do you good. Things have been festering too long. You're welcome back anytime. Take time off, recharge, feel better.

And may the flames guide thee!

What I want to know is, who exactly is it that's been sending Tolvo here all the hate in game? I thought he was an all around good guy

I'm very sorry to hear that Tolvo. Now I'm thinking it was because of me...

Tolvo wrote:I think I might be settling to strictly playing Dark Souls offline now and finding a way so that I'll be incapable of receiving messages on PSN.

You can block all incoming messages in your account settings.

It was a pleasure knowing you, even if it was only for a short time.
Good luck and see you later.

Sorry to hear this, you were the first person I met in game when I joined the forums, helping me without asking anything in return.

Don't really know what to say that hasn't already been said, hope you get back on your feet again and hope to see you around again.
All the best!

Vinyl Scratch wrote:

reim0027 wrote:Trust me when I say I'm going to miss you. Also, it's about time man. IMO, a break will do you good. Things have been festering too long. You're welcome back anytime. Take time off, recharge, feel better.

And may the flames guide thee!

I love how everything becomes about Dark Souls


Maybe its the right time to rest in the bonfire and repair your equipment before moving on to the next area.




Does that makes any sense?

You'll be missed, Tolvo. You have my prayers.

Come on, you know you're not going anywhere. Just chill out in the off-topic forum. It's just for fun!

Enjoy your break man, you've definitely earned it. Hope you come back for DKS2.

BIG TIME MASTER wrote:Come on, you know you're not going anywhere. Just chill out in the off-topic forum. It's just for fun!

This is what I've done... The guys here are great! It's like a secret sub forum...

'Maybe it's time'. Maybe it is Tolvo. Good luck.

As one door closes another, somewhere, opens.
Farewell Tolvo, perhaps we'll see you back here some time. You'll be missed.

As definitive as you'd like to be, noone can escape here, it just drags you back in, just like lilo is rehab and/or court.

See you round tolvo, I'm sure you'll bounce back from it all. Everything is beatable as long as you've got your mind set.

Yeah I've already bounced back. It's pretty much come down to no longer doing PvP in Dark Souls. Or even really playing the game much anymore.