Thread of lame jokes.

meridam99 wrote:

Digitalyzed wrote:Okay okay, Chemistry time.

A man walks into a bar with his friend. He says to the barman "I'll have some H2O". His friend then says "And I'll have some H2O too". They drank their drinks and his friend died.

Get it?


Next: Want to hear a joke about Sodium, "Na".
How about a joke about potassium, "K".

Why would someone order Hydrogen Peroxide, I am confused.

Because his friend wanted some water too, but when he said it it sounded like H2O2 instead of H2O too, which is our lovely glass of Hydrogen Peroxide.

How many bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears?

How many grills could Bear Grylls bear if Bear Grylls could bear grills?

How much would the grizzly bear grizzle if Bear Gryzzle would frizzle his grizzly bear pizzle?

How many grizzly bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could bear those grizzly bears to Bear Grylls' grizzly bear grills (R) to grill those grizzlies?

How-

Darkson wrote:How many bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could grill bears?

How many grills could Bear Grylls bear if Bear Grylls could bear grills?

How much would the grizzly bear grizzle if Bear Gryzzle would frizzle his grizzly bear pizzle?

How many grizzly bears could Bear Grylls grill if Bear Grylls could bear those grizzly bears to Bear Grylls' grizzly bear grills (R) to grill those grizzlies?

How-

Damn, my brain...

Why do Asians have small boobs?

Because only A's are acceptable.

So Dark Souls player walks into an club and hits the floor and dies because it was Occult +5 BA DUM TSS

^ Oh god, the horror. The corny, corny horror.

So right after I screwed in a lightbulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar, I realised... My life is a joke!

Dark Souls is the worst game I've ever played in my life.



haha just kidding, got you all there didn't I?

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 3. One to screw it in and 2 others to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To visit the graves of his wife and daughter who were brutally raped and murdered. (Anti-Joke chicken ftw!)

DoughGuy wrote:How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 3. One to screw it in and 2 others to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

While sexist jokes towards the blokes generally aint funny, thats one of the few I know that's actually good

Why did the chicken cross the road? He saw something scary.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

because it was being carried dead and stuffed by it's new owner to his house for a family meal.

Why did the chicken cross the road? he saw Tolvo.

and you can see tolvo in all his glory right here!

https://soulswiki.forumotion.com/t4395p45-my-girlfriend

How many mechanical engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Thats a hardware problem.

Ok here comes a long one.

THATS WHAT SHE SAID!
That doesn't even make sense!
Well ... THATS WHAT HE SAID!.

Anyway so there this guy, and he works at a brick making factory. He wants to buy a new house but realises that he doesnt have enough money to afford one. So he decides to save money on the building costs he'll steal one brick from work every day so that in a few years he'll have enough to build a house. So he goes to work and on the first day steal a brick. On the second day he steals a brick. On the third day he steals a brick. On the fourth day he steals a brick. On the fifth day he steals a brick. On the sixth day he steals a brick. On the seventh day he steals a brick. This goes on for years and years until at last he has enough to build a house. Finally he pays for the skeleton of the house and then hires some workers to place the bricks. After a decade of hard work he now has a new house. He then realises he has a single spare brick. He has no idea what to do with it so he paints it green and places it in his front lord. Every and on his way to work he looks at the brick and remembers the hard work that he put into his house. One day he forgets about it and trips over the brick on the way in. Angry that he got hurt he picks up the brick and throws it as hard as he can down the street.

Anti climatic jokes ftw!

So there's 2 guys on a train sitting opposite. One of them has a dog on his lap and the other is smoking a cigarette. Repeatedly the one with the dog asks the smoker to pt out his cig on the train but the man continually refuses. Eventually the guy with a dog gets so mad he picks the cig out of the smokers mouth and throws it out the window. Before he can react the smoker then grabs the guys dog and throws it out the window after the cig. In silence they stare at ecah other with complete hate until their stop. When they get off a the station the man who had a dog looks to his right and sees an amazing sight. His dog is running back to him, smoking and with a green brick in its mouth.

You have my 9th grade geography teacher to thank for these.

Theres a mathematician, a mechanic and a manufacturer in a car. Suddenly one of the tyres blows and the car comes to a stop. They all get out to look at the problem. The mathematician gets out his pad and paper and begins working out the air pressure of the tyre, the bumpiness of the round and determining the odds of the tyre blowing out. The mechanic begins rooting around in the trunk looking for a jack and spare tyre to fix it. The manufacturer looks at the car and says "75% of it's still working, lets ship it".

Not sure if thats the actual joke but the punchline is correct.

I have to do this...

Spock has three ears: his left ear, his right ear, and his final front-ear. Hardy har har.

*Takes cover from barrage of rotten tomatoes*

*throws dung*

An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.

Carphil wrote:*throws dung*

I didn't know dung beatles attended this show.

*Tomatoe throwing intensifies*

ROFL

Anti climactic jokes eh? Anyone up for the pink gorilla joke?

Anyone up for the squirrel joke? I cant remember the pink gorilla joke. Im up for it.

I'll have to be at a keyboard but will post it. Phone will take too long. I'm game for squirrel jokes