by DoughGuy Fri May 18, 2012 9:31 pmAdding Tolvo and Azran to the block. Wish I cpould give you advice Tolvo but thats too high lvel for me.
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DoughGuy- Duke's Archivist
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Tolvo- Town Crier
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I'm sure you could manage something, even if its really minor.
Azran how dare you abuse my language! It's all good.
Azran how dare you abuse my language! It's all good.
Serious_Much- Moderator Trainee
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Well, one word springs to mind, which is "paragraph" 
seriously, blocks of text are horrible to read, after you change it I can read and see if I can think of anything
seriously, blocks of text are horrible to read, after you change it I can read and see if I can think of anything
Tolvo- Town Crier
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That is a paragraph Serious, I have no reason to alter its structure that I can see at this time.
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Out of interest is the rest of the bo going to be at the same level or is it just that paragraph?
Tolvo- Town Crier
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It is designed to build up and become more difficult to understand and use more interpretive ideas as the story goes on, then towards the end it will revert more towards these descriptions. Basically it starts low, gets higher, then gets low again.
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
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While thats a unique idea you are limiting yourself to s very small target audience. most people wont bother trying to understand it. (Not a criticism)
Who are you targeting with this book because while writing is great when you do it for yourself you can't exclusively do what you want with a book. you have to take into account what the readers want too.
Who are you targeting with this book because while writing is great when you do it for yourself you can't exclusively do what you want with a book. you have to take into account what the readers want too.
Azran- Caffeinated
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He can do whatever he wants; it's his work.
Tolvo- Town Crier
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No you are right, but the intent isn't to try and reach a large audience. My stories are art pieces and are created as experiments and expressions of myself. I don't ever plan to really be a famous author because that's an incredibly lucky thing to become, as well my styles are not capable of reaching commercial success. I create these to make things that are interesting and can cause others to think a bit more and question things, but only the few who actually understand the pieces or give them a chance. Average Joe on the street would never read anything like this.
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My drafts of the prologue. In the second I rewrote the beginning and removed the coughs.
- Spoiler:
- Draft 1
50 years ago
The men gather in the basement of an
abandoned house on the edge of the town. Outside the storm throws
itself at the buildings as if in anger. Little can be heard in the
basement and none can be heard tonight. They have taken this one
opportunity they will get. Their masters will not dare get their wings
wet just to check on a few slaves. They dare to light a few small
torches, they all know each other already, no need to hide from
themselves. They all sit quietly, contemplating what they will give
birth to tonight until one of them, the eldest, stands up to speak.
"My
friends we all know why we are here and we do not have much time. We
must say this now." he begins "We are here to free our children, to
fight our oppressors, *cough* so how do we?"
One of the others, a
younger man in his 20s responds "We need weapons if we want to fight
brother. We can't kill them otherwise."
A third older man cuts him
off "You're too young to remember the last time someone tried to fight
back. They destroyed us. Everyone had a weapon, good ones too, but
they're too fast. They'll cut us to shreds. Mark my words we need
armour before we need weapons."
"Armour?" the younger man replied
shocked "We don't have the time to make armour brother, it'll take far
too much material. They'll notice before we're done!"
"My friend you
are not thinking far enough ahead. We aren't here tonight to save
ourselves. We are here to *cough* save our children and their
children." the eldest interjected "This is not something that will come
to fruition in our lifetimes."
"You're talking about a plot involving
stealing metal from them for years?! Where would we store it? How
could we stop them noticing?"
"Plans are already in motion
friend. *cough* People aren't being kidnapped by our masters. They're
running away, to hide, to dig underground."
"It is the only way, we
could not do this now. There are too few of us and too many of them." a
fourth, middle aged man pointed out.
"You are free to walk away friend *cough* if you do not believe in our plan."
"I will stay brother." he conceded "We must stay together if we want this to work."
"I am thankful for your understanding friend. This is our last hope, our gift to our children."
"And
if anything is worth fighting for, they are." the younger man
said. The old man looked at him with knowing in his eyes, he had chosen
the right man. The philosophy born that night would last 50 years of
brutal slavery, keeping the hopes of these few men going through the
generations.
Draft 2
50 years ago
The men
gather in the basement of an abandoned house on the edge of the town. Outside the storm throws itself at the
buildings in its fury. Little can be
heard in the basement and let alone outside the house. This is the only opportunity they will have
for this meeting. Their masters will not
dare get their wings wet just to check on a few slaves. A few small torches are lit so the group can
see each other. Each is already known by
all the others, secrecy is not a weapon they wield against their masters, not
against themselves. Silence hangs over
the group as they contemplate why they are here tonight. Eventually the eldest rises, ready to speak. Though an eloquent speaker in his younger days
years of work have taken their toll and frequent coughing interrupts his
speech.
He begins “My
friends we all know why we are here and we do not have much time. We must say this now. We are here to free our children, to fight
our oppressors, so how do we?”
One of the
others, a younger man in his 20s responds “We need weapons if we want to fight
brother. We can’t kill them otherwise.”
A third
older man cuts him off “You’re too young to remember the last time someone
tried to fight back. They destroyed
us. Everyone had a weapon, good ones
too, but they’re too fast. They’ll cut
us to shreds. Mark my words we need
armour before we need weapons.”
“Armour?”
the younger man replied shocked “We don’t have the time to make armour brother,
it’ll take far too much material.
They’ll notice before we’re done!”
“My friend
you are not thinking far enough ahead.
We aren’t here tonight to save ourselves. We are here to save our children and their
children.” the eldest interjected “This is not something that will come to
fruition in our lifetimes.”
“You’re
talking about a plot involving stealing metal from them for years?! Where would we store it? How could we stop them noticing?”
“Plans are
already in motion friend. People aren’t
being kidnapped by our masters. They’re
running away, to hide, to dig underground.”
“It is the
only way, we could not do this now.
There are too few of us and too many of them.” a fourth, middle aged man
pointed out.
“You are
free to walk away friend if you do not believe in our plan.”
“I will stay
brother.” he conceded “We must stay together if we want this to work.”
“I am
thankful for your understanding friend.
This is our last hope, our gift to our children.”
“And if
anything is worth fighting for, they are.” the younger man said. The old man looked at him with knowing in his
eyes, he had chosen the right man. The
philosophy born that night would last 50 years of brutal slavery, keeping the
hopes of these few men going through the generations.
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
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I know you are right Azran but still you do have to take into account who you are writing for. Its part of knowing how you will write the story and how it will develop.
You wouldnt put the grusome execution of Mr Snugglekings the friendly lion into a 3yr old childrens book then follow it up with the economic repercussions of his death on the people of Fantasia would you? (not being agreesive of sarcastic here not matter how bad it sounds)
Also Dough who is your story targeting? I like the dialoguing your have done! Its good interesting stuff.
You wouldnt put the grusome execution of Mr Snugglekings the friendly lion into a 3yr old childrens book then follow it up with the economic repercussions of his death on the people of Fantasia would you? (not being agreesive of sarcastic here not matter how bad it sounds)
Also Dough who is your story targeting? I like the dialoguing your have done! Its good interesting stuff.
Azran- Caffeinated
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Of course you gotta keep in mind your target audience. What I meant was not that, I was trying to say a writer shouldn't be forced to switch things in his book only to sell more. Like
- "Yeah, the story sounds cool. But make the protagonist a vampire teenager."
- "But he's a normal teenager."
- "I know, but vampire stuff sells a lot more!"
Broad exaggeration, of course.
- "Yeah, the story sounds cool. But make the protagonist a vampire teenager."
- "But he's a normal teenager."
- "I know, but vampire stuff sells a lot more!"
Broad exaggeration, of course.
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I guess it would be targeting teens that enjoy fantasy although the way the plot is Satanists will probably get a kick out of it. It depends how in depth go with the level of writing.
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
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Sweet. I only say this because I could write hundreds of really poor quality stories that come out of my head on a daily basis but unless I change it so that it was somewhat more popular then I'd end up having hordes of super strong soldiers fighting in a fanatsy setting and punching one another through brick walls.
I want to avoid this. Except in The Inheritor's Will wherein Thane's hand becomes that of a Wyrm and he can punch people through brick walls.
MMMMM Thane Talonhand!
I want to avoid this. Except in The Inheritor's Will wherein Thane's hand becomes that of a Wyrm and he can punch people through brick walls.
MMMMM Thane Talonhand!
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lol. Also thanks for saying the dialogue was good. Dialogue is probably my weakest point, I have real trouble writing a conversation generally.
Azran- Caffeinated
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Wait, Satanists? Am I missing some word ethymology here?
I'll be posting something soon, by the way.
I'll be posting something soon, by the way.
DoughGuy- Duke's Archivist
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lol no but if you read the plot you'll see how most of the story revolves around killing the god of the world.
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
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Hmmm I'll throw down a small section of my Zombie Serial Book.
This was my pilot attempt at the series. In reality Leon (and not the Leon from Resident Evil, I didnt realise that until later, he is not renamed Nathan in the version), is finaly able to escape a self imposed exile after he locks himself in his neighbours storm shelter. Give the food supplies and difficult to find entrance he escapes the worst of it, though he did see his sister and nephews turn at te preschool where he was to be picking them up after he returned to location TBA from overseas.
After which he has to escape the town now inhabited by a post apocalyptic cult by sneaking into a police station with a few other surviving convicts. Make his way to the nearby city. gets captured by Holland and the crew, saves Rias from a dangerous pinch, and becomes de facto leader when HOlland dies during an ill fated patrol.
- Spoiler:
A Dead Rain
Heavy leather boots kicked up a mixture of mud and gravel as Leon quietly made his way through the decaying remains of what once could have been a gas station.
He stole forwards keeping is back pressed against a row of haphazardly parked cars, eyes alert for any sign of movement through the downpour.
He glanced up, the rain mostly reflected off the heavy coat her wore though refreshing droplets battered his face, clouds masked the sun casting a grey depressing pall over the harsh urban landscape.
All about vast buildings of steel and concrete rose up, everyday reminders of a time now long passed, they screamed of the days where men walked freely on the streets and lived in safety without fear of Them.
A powerful wind whipped though the gas station, slightly shifting the angle of the incessant rain, ruffling his jacket and those of the four others behind him.
He glanced back through at them, nearly fully obscured, unable to make out their faces under the hoods of the androgynous grey coats.
The lead figure beckoned him to move forwards, a single authoritarian finger pointing into the far distance which dissolved into a grey mass of steel girders and tangled weeds.
He shifted the heavy rifle on his back marvelling at how so much had change in the previous months that he could carry a shotgun through the middle of the city without anyone making a scene. It was a solidly made gun, an old Remmington if he wasn’t mistaken, heavy, black metal finish, wooden hand guard and stock, though to be fair he knew less about high grade military weapons than he did about the old hunting shotguns eh’d used before.
Once again he moved forwards, keen eyes looking for any trace of their quandary, each step took him further into the depths of the cavernous city.
His search took him deeper and deeper until at once he halted next to a half dead tree, half uprooted by the truck that had collided with it.
He placed his right palm on the ground feeling at once the imprint of shoe prints in the soft earth, sneakers, the prints were heavier on the right foot than the left implying that this one had a distinct limp.
A broken ankle he thought to himself wryly. Poor Bastard.
The tracks were at least a day old and rain had washed away most of the noticeable physical markers but Leon could tell that They had passed through only two hours ahead of them travelling roughly at, what he considered to be a mild walk, though he knew not to based his assumptions on mere conjecture.
Zombies moved at varying speed sometimes a walk, well those that still had full functionality of thier legs, other would crawl, some even lay in wait for prey only moving when they sense the warmth of the living.
Once again he looked back, seeing no one but knowing they were there, signalled of them to come forwards. They did. Out of the storm they came, moving quickly, weapons held at the ready.
To his left a grey cloaked figure came, though his features were obscured his large stature was immediately obvious.
Tall and well muscled, Charlie stood a head higher than Leon and his physique was extremely well defined. He reached over his head and pulled back the hood letting his short cropped black hair slip out from it folds, which was immediately flattened against his tanned face.
He carried a long rifle, scoped, on his broad back which glinted in the half light.
He grinned through the rain, his natural charisma reaching Leon, who couldn’t help but return the smile.
“So?” his voice hushed, almost drowned out by the rain.
“I found them.” Came his direct reply. “ I was sure we’d lost them there for a time but now I think we are back on the trail.”
“You sure?” The gritty voice of Holland interjected from the middle of the group.
“He’s sure.” Came Rias quick retort. To his right.
“She’s right. There’s no way I could mistake their tracks, it wouldn’t matter anyway. They’re all heading to the same place.”
He shuffled about in his pack and with drew a map, at which point all of the group leaned over covering it from the harmful droplets of water. He then pointed to a four way intersection deep within the inner city before drawing a finger across its worn surface indicating their predicted direction of travel, North East.
“There’s a small convenience store there. About twenty minutes from here. Bower found it last month. “
“Good” Kezin chimed. He sounded excited despite the heavy breaths he was taking.
Leon sighed.
“Not good. There are hundreds of those freaks surrounding the store. Probably more now that it’s one of the few food supplies left.”
The smile dropped slightly but his enthusiasm was unmistakably written across his face.
Leon paused a moment, looked around the group imagining their eyes meeting his.
“We can’t be too careful here. We don’t know exactly what to expect and if one of us gets bitten...” He trailed off ominously.
“Desperate people make mistakes is what you mean to say” Holland this time.
“Yeah” His voice sounded hoarse, he was tired.
He was tired.
The rain had not only soaked through his clothes it was as if it had seeped into his very being and had greatly affected his normally cheerful personality.
Next to him Rias had noticed and gave him a grim smile, white teeth flashing through the downpour.
The group travelled North East in silence, no sound but the thrumming pitter-patter of droplets against the hard asphalt broke the almost tangible silence, a noticeable sense of loneliness becoming ever more prominent as the pressed onwards.
At times they were forced to pass through the remains of shattered buildings, dark and ominous in the dreary setting, in order to circum navigate small groups of zombies that shambled on seemingly without purpose.
There were moments when Leon threw himself against the side of buildings, cars, anything that he could put between him and them, beckoning frantically for the others to do the same. Heart pounding in his chest, weapon at the ready, he would wait several minutes dreading what he knew would be the frantic moments when the group was found.
However if the mindless wanderers knew they were there they never made any movements that deviated from their predetermined paths nor did make a sound.
Though he knew they were blind, glazed over eyes roamed to no avail, he could not help but shudder when they were forced to cross paths.
Other times he would throw various bits of rubble out into the distance the sound of which would echo throughout the dead city attracting whatever hidden dangers lay in wait for them, dark shapes shuffling from doorways and shadows, hazy forms visible for only a moment before vanishing back into the downpour.
Twenty minutes passed and the group had made little headway into Leon’s predicted time frame still well over five hundred meters from their destination.
As they had progressed the number of walkers that shuffled about on the streets had increased significantly, the small two or three groups suddenly gave way to massive packs comprised of dozens of shambling bodies.
Leon had been shocked at the sheer number of zombies that had begun to appear, so shocked that he was unfortunate enough to wander right into the middle of a small pack, bumping into several of the monsters before he realised what was going on.
His mind suddenly jumped into action, he brought the shotgun up, grabbed the blue steel barrel with both hands and smashing the butt against the head of the nearest hostile, who crumpled noiselessly caught in Leon’s arms so as not to make a sound.
With practiced movements he drew a long iron spike from his belt and jabbed it into the nape of its neck, feeling the sensation of metal passing through flesh and brain.
The creature shuddered once, blood streaming from its wound, a final groan escaping its lips before it died convulsively.
Behind him the rest of the group had jumped into action drawing a variety of cruel weapons and proceeded to set upon the hapless zombies slaying them quickly and as quietly as possible. Kezin threw himself into the task with great joy drawing his long bladed katana from its sheath, its blade cutting through bone with little effort, in seconds he had claimed four walkers severing their heads which dropped to the earth in an arterial spray of crimson.
Charlie and Rias both struggled against the tide of creatures, bayonets flashing as they stabbed at their foes in sharp, violent thrusts, while Holland threw back several with a well timed full body tackle.
Seconds later they had dispatched the last of the pack, fading back into the rain like ghosts, their weapons now held at the ready.
Leon glanced back at the group just in time to see Holland’s heavy hand clip him across the side of the head, eyes glaring at him angrily, his meaning clear, though his features softened when he saw the look in Leon’s eyes.
The thrumming lessened in intensity, Kenzin looked up at the sky, an look of horror on his face.
After the flurry of activity the group had momentarily forgotten the state of the weather that had allowed them to penetrate so deeply into the city without drawing the attentions of the hordes of the city’s inhabitants.
Holland turned, flicking several hand signals to Rias and Kenzin who nodded back and moved to obey slipping back into the rain vanishing from sight.
This time he turned to Leon and Charlie and sent them an extremely quick series of signals.
Danger. Time’s up. Move. Foward. Scout and Gather. Leon gathered from the silent exchange.
Behind him Charlie voiced his doubts fingers contorting quickly in the silent language they spoke.
Holland shook his head sadly.
Rias. Kenzin. Sent Back. Keep escape route open. 20 minutes. No more.
The pair nodded and Charlie moved out onto the street quickly, picking out a path through the chaos of moving bodies and wrecked cars.
They moved rapidly passing so close to the walkers that they could feel their rank, fetid breath on their faces, groans rising up from all around them until the cacophony of voices reached an unyielding crescendo.
All Leon could do was focus on Charlie’s massive back so as not to get swept away in the vast sea of stinking flesh and rusting steel.
He forced his way underneath the arms of a dozen flailing bodies, clinging tightly to the shotgun cradled in the crook of his left arm, using the other to push away those who got in his path.
Here he was indescribably grateful that the walkers could not see or feel in anyway, their senses deadened by the mysterious plague that affected them, though at the same time he cursed himself for every breath he took, the slight sound of the inhalation of air drawing the ravenous creatures about him in droves.
Behind him through a tangle of bodies came Holland whose arm reached out toward him as if grasping for an invisible lifeline.
The arm found the back of Leon’s coat, fingers clenching the thick goretex into a bunch, becoming a conduit which allowed him to feel the gratitude and desperation Holland felt in the heat of the moment.
As the small team rapidly approached their goal the ruined convenience store loomed out of the rain ahead of them, through water logged eyes Leon could make out its shaped and features.
This was my pilot attempt at the series. In reality Leon (and not the Leon from Resident Evil, I didnt realise that until later, he is not renamed Nathan in the version), is finaly able to escape a self imposed exile after he locks himself in his neighbours storm shelter. Give the food supplies and difficult to find entrance he escapes the worst of it, though he did see his sister and nephews turn at te preschool where he was to be picking them up after he returned to location TBA from overseas.
After which he has to escape the town now inhabited by a post apocalyptic cult by sneaking into a police station with a few other surviving convicts. Make his way to the nearby city. gets captured by Holland and the crew, saves Rias from a dangerous pinch, and becomes de facto leader when HOlland dies during an ill fated patrol.
Tolvo- Town Crier
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Would someone like for me to post some resources? Maybe if someone wants to they can add them to the OP.
DoughGuy- Duke's Archivist
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Seems like a good idea.
Tolvo- Town Crier
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Here are a few Mary Sue tests, as well as Articles that can help in character building, creating a story, world, and making sure you don't make cliche or offensive mistakes in your writing. Now before you read through these understand none of these are personal shots at people, if you're character you are creating ends up high on the sue scale it's not a personal attack. This is just a tool like our characters are, it's purpose is to help you improve your writing skill. If you are just looking to have fun and don't care about the quality of writing, these tools are useless to you. As well if you lie about your character and incorrectly fill them out, don't bother as you aren't using the tool as intended. Please read the rules when filling the test out so that you don't end up making your character appear something they are not, if you aren't satisfied with your result you can always take it again. You might have made a mistake somewhere and ended up giving yourself too high of a score, so don't merely delete one if you end up a 60, retake it.
Mary Sue Race Test
Mary Sue Character Test
How to Write Better Villains
Questions to Ask Yourself when Creating a Character
Fairytale Cliches
Offensive Mistakes Part 1
Offensive Mistakes Part 2
Offensive Mistakes Part 3
I figured I'd also do a few examples, such as a weak and strong character.
First I'll set up a little character sheet then fill it out.
Name -
Age -
Race -
Appearance -
Personality -
Background -
EXAMPLES
Name - Ichigo
Age - 1,200 but looks 17
Race - Neko
Appearance - Ichigo is a good looking man with a thin but muscular body, he appears much younger than he actually is and has white hair with white cat ears on his head.
Personality - Ichigo is closed off and seclusive but cares a lot for others and always fights for what he believes in.
Background - Ichigo was an orphan raised by humans as his parents were never known, just that they left a lot of money for Ichigo. As such he's always had a lot of money to spend and dress well. He found out he had special powers when he finally grew his cat ears revealing to him he was a Neko.
Score - 48
Name - Michael
Age - 27
Race - Human
Appearance - Mike is a man with a bit of stubble and long hair, he's a bit on the chunky side and has brown hair and glasses. He has a mole on his jaw line causing shaving to be a bit bothersome, and is why he doesn't all too often.
Personality - Mike is a shy person who seeks to be more open. He'll often try and talk with new people but he'll often be awkward and have little to bring to a conversation. His hearts in a good place but he's a bit prone to mistakes and doesn't have too great of an understanding of social standards. He has a circular scar on his left knee.
Background - Mike was raised in midwestern America and attended schooling up to his second year in college. He managed to pass and has a degree in art. This got him very little room in the world however, so now he works at a large store in his home town where he is trying to get a promotion to the manager position. Often he sticks to the electrical appliances though and finds little time for a social life. Instead he tends to read fantasy novels and check out internet forums.
Score - 14
Think of it like golf, with 20 being a good score, 25 an average, and 30 a below average.
Mary Sue Race Test
Mary Sue Character Test
How to Write Better Villains
Questions to Ask Yourself when Creating a Character
Fairytale Cliches
Offensive Mistakes Part 1
Offensive Mistakes Part 2
Offensive Mistakes Part 3
I figured I'd also do a few examples, such as a weak and strong character.
First I'll set up a little character sheet then fill it out.
Name -
Age -
Race -
Appearance -
Personality -
Background -
EXAMPLES
Name - Ichigo
Age - 1,200 but looks 17
Race - Neko
Appearance - Ichigo is a good looking man with a thin but muscular body, he appears much younger than he actually is and has white hair with white cat ears on his head.
Personality - Ichigo is closed off and seclusive but cares a lot for others and always fights for what he believes in.
Background - Ichigo was an orphan raised by humans as his parents were never known, just that they left a lot of money for Ichigo. As such he's always had a lot of money to spend and dress well. He found out he had special powers when he finally grew his cat ears revealing to him he was a Neko.
Score - 48
Name - Michael
Age - 27
Race - Human
Appearance - Mike is a man with a bit of stubble and long hair, he's a bit on the chunky side and has brown hair and glasses. He has a mole on his jaw line causing shaving to be a bit bothersome, and is why he doesn't all too often.
Personality - Mike is a shy person who seeks to be more open. He'll often try and talk with new people but he'll often be awkward and have little to bring to a conversation. His hearts in a good place but he's a bit prone to mistakes and doesn't have too great of an understanding of social standards. He has a circular scar on his left knee.
Background - Mike was raised in midwestern America and attended schooling up to his second year in college. He managed to pass and has a degree in art. This got him very little room in the world however, so now he works at a large store in his home town where he is trying to get a promotion to the manager position. Often he sticks to the electrical appliances though and finds little time for a social life. Instead he tends to read fantasy novels and check out internet forums.
Score - 14
Think of it like golf, with 20 being a good score, 25 an average, and 30 a below average.
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
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So if I said that
Name: Nathan Cross
Age:23
Race: Human
Appearance- Nathan is a tall, stringy man in his early twenties with thick eyes brows over piercing blue eyes under an messy mane of medium length black hair. He lean and reasonably atheletic he has a family history of cancer and diabeties which leads him to try to stay healthy.
Personality- Nathan is a thoughtful kind of man, shy around those he doesn't know to well though extremely active and open around those he does. He prefers to be spoken to first before offering any of his own informantion though tends to get awkward when asking about other people as he doesnt want to overstep his bounds. However through out the story he becomes more confident with his crew and begins to ask questions more often. He left his home at the age of 17 after a conflict with his father turned into a physical incident which put him in hospital. Due to his desire to continue study in the field of cultures and language he joined the Navy (this is sci fi so it happens the navy is space related) and served as a marine during the most recent Skarian rebellions.
I'm still unclear but could you attempt to break down the cliche o meter for me. Just point out the major issues.
Name: Nathan Cross
Age:23
Race: Human
Appearance- Nathan is a tall, stringy man in his early twenties with thick eyes brows over piercing blue eyes under an messy mane of medium length black hair. He lean and reasonably atheletic he has a family history of cancer and diabeties which leads him to try to stay healthy.
Personality- Nathan is a thoughtful kind of man, shy around those he doesn't know to well though extremely active and open around those he does. He prefers to be spoken to first before offering any of his own informantion though tends to get awkward when asking about other people as he doesnt want to overstep his bounds. However through out the story he becomes more confident with his crew and begins to ask questions more often. He left his home at the age of 17 after a conflict with his father turned into a physical incident which put him in hospital. Due to his desire to continue study in the field of cultures and language he joined the Navy (this is sci fi so it happens the navy is space related) and served as a marine during the most recent Skarian rebellions.
I'm still unclear but could you attempt to break down the cliche o meter for me. Just point out the major issues.
DoughGuy- Duke's Archivist
- Posts : 11862
Reputation : 319
Join date : 2012-02-29
Age : 30
Location : The Bakery of Souls, Sydney
Did you answer the test in the second link?
EDIT: The angels in Iconoclasts got a 9.
EDIT: The angels in Iconoclasts got a 9.
ViralEnsign_- Lordvessel
- Posts : 7873
Reputation : 136
Join date : 2012-02-18
Age : 31
Location : The Executive Members Boardroom
I'm writing a serial so my character is partially idealised in a sense. not how I'd normally make a character.
Lol that test was interesting. Nate scored 35 but I feel as if some of the questions were to extreme.
Adys scored 13 yay unique!
Lol that test was interesting. Nate scored 35 but I feel as if some of the questions were to extreme.
Adys scored 13 yay unique!
DoughGuy- Duke's Archivist
- Posts : 11862
Reputation : 319
Join date : 2012-02-29
Age : 30
Location : The Bakery of Souls, Sydney
I should do Joel, he's the only character who i really have down. But its so long.
EDIT: Joel got a 19 but I dont think the questions really work for a hardcore religious bounty hunter in a harsh world where he is the bad guy.
EDIT: Joel got a 19 but I dont think the questions really work for a hardcore religious bounty hunter in a harsh world where he is the bad guy.
